Better Late than earlier

Happy New Year everyone!

I'll be real here, I had a shitty celebration. I bought this bottle of sparkling apple juice because my husband and I love the SNL catchy tune. And I was the only one drinking from it.

My husband's patience ran thin on that day, even though he wasn't mad with me, I ended up alone, a glass of sparkling apple juice in one hand, in my bathtub, crying. I think 2 minutes before the neighbours lit up their fireworks, he came to me, feeling shitty. Well hey bub, long time no see. Way to go, you ruined a perfectly fine night that could have been special. He heartfully apologized, which I guess mellowed things down. He wasn't feeling it, this "New Year". "What's so different about today that won't be the same as tomorrow?" Sure, I get that. But we, humans, make it a special day to celebrate the woes and joys from this year, throw it away fashionably and then welcome the new possibilities of the next year. It's that simple, bub, nothing crazy. He asked me what I had wanted. Same as last year: us on the patio, a glass of something in our hands waiting for the fireworks. A kiss and a "Happy New Year." and that's it. A little talk about the expectations we have. We don't do promises we can't keep, so we usually go with wishes and my feeling for the newly come year.

Now that I got this embarrassingly sad moment out of my way, I thank the nameless internet for blowing that dark cloud away and welcome the new possibilities of this great year to come!

So... What's your feeling for next year?

Feeling? What what?

Let me explain a little...

Every year, a few weeks or days before the new year rings in, I get this feeling for the next year. Usually a single word.
I've started this at the end of 2015 with the word Springboard. Sure enough, it was the year we made a lot of leaps—some of faith. We bought our first house, my husband lost his job, I went back to work after many years to name a few. Life changes for sure.

Then by the end of 2016, the word Discovery came up. 2017 is the year we discovered I had had Lyme disease all those years, explaining many symptoms that didn't make sense together and why all the weird tests I've had done on my person came back negative or inconclusive. Finally, someone had a diagnostic!
Side note: This is why I'm not updating as frequently as I should. I'm drained most days.
And I started the long road of removing gluten, dairy & sugar (except erythritol, stevia, xylitol, monk fruit sugar, coconut sugar, and on occasion only, honey & maple syrup.) from my diet to lower inflammation so the treatment would work better. I dare you to try not to eat anything with sugar for a month. You'll find that almost everything we buy at the grocery store has sugar. Most gluten-free products are loaded with sugar too! Going out is a nightmare, sometimes, I bring my own sugar-free ketchup and mayo and grab lettuce wrapped A&W burger with nothing but veggies and the meat. But most times, the thought of eating at a fast food place makes me want to gag. I was not the healthiest, maybe, but I was never a fan of fast food either. My comfort food is toast with butter, sliced banana on top and drizzled with honey. Thank goodness, I found out that "00" flour is from Italy and people who react to gluten, sometimes don't react to this flour. So I've got the go from my doctor to use is and I'm never going back to gluten-free flour options. I'm making my own bread. It's not as fluffy because I think this flour is intended for pizza, or I don't know what I'm doing, but hey, I can have my comfort food again!
Rejoice!

Then 2018 brought the word Progress. There was a lot of progress! I finally started the last phase of my Lyme disease treatment. I feel tired most of the time and need to nap most days, cutting my waking hours by a third, but I'm just happy I'm finally there. I also cheated on my diet like crazy in both November and December which was bad, so now I have to get back on track. You'd think that after more than a year of doing this I'd be used to it, but I still don't know what to make for lunch and dinner most days. It doesn't help that we don't buy a lot of meat. Meat dishes are easier to prepare. If I were on a game show and asked what to make for dinner without using gluten or meat, I would likely be made to fall in a big pool of slime. I've made dishes from AIP (anti-inflammatory, my diet) recipe websites and this is a truth bomb, at least for foodies like me, ye be warned, a lot of them don't taste great. If you're like me, you love food, but can't whip up dinner without a recipe (I'm terrible with spices), but you're hella good following a recipe to a T, then all I can do is blame all those recipes. There's up to so many times you can screw up yourself before it's time to admit these are just tasteless or foul-tasting. My kids don't trust me making dinner anymore, even when I make meat dishes, and those I can do. To redeem myself, I'm a pretty good baker, with or without a recipe.

But now I have a problem... 2018 ended not with a word but an image and I don't know what to make of it:

Wild Flower Field - flickr

It seems positive, but I'm not sure what it implies. Is that our future? I wouldn't say no to a big expanse of land with enough trees to say "I have a small wood of my own". I've always been a forest imp and I'm not afraid to say that I've hugged trees. I just love them so much, it's tough to live 3 hours away from any semblance of a forest. Am I to think this is some blissful, carefree year to come where most of my worries fly away on the flower-perfumed breeze? I don't know. Just like the previous words, I'll have to see for myself, but this is the first time it's not a word and I'm very confused.

In the end, I still got to spend the late night/early morning with my husband, but he felt nauseous, so no sparkling apple juice for him. Then the kids drank most of the bottle on the next day—this is a non-alcoholized beverage.

This New Year better be good, or else!

Nicole is my spirit animal